I woke up 3 times last night with my heart pounding. I don’t know what I dreamed of, but I had great fear. My anxiety level is high. I’m trying so hard to choose joy, but I continue to fail and let my worry and anger and fear overcome me…though its mainly subconscious. I asked God today how I can go on and how I can handle such things. He reminded me of the peace that comes to me through writing. When I quit writing online, on this page, I did so because I thought my posts were too depressing and indicative of complaints. I stopped writing without “thinking” about it and started thinking too much. Also I’m not in the Word as I have been in the past. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. It comes through Him. I can’t choose it on my own; I can only obtain it by His grace. This is the solution. The circumstances being solved in my favor isn’t, seeking Him is.
I need a lot right now….a lot! However, I need joy and peace more than anything.