Is it normal to have your flesh wretch and scream out in the fire? The refining fire. 

“I’m spotted silver and your reflection is not clear. I yield my soul to you, yet my flesh hangs on for death! Tears for all your suffering saints are easier to shed than tears of my own yielding!”

“Take the path of life” you said, showing me just the next step. 

I’m no longer standing still staring at the crossroads, afraid to move. 

You said, “Walk the path of life” when things got worse, and I kept falling down.

Quick deep love cannot reach the shallows; I reduced myself to the image the world created me to be and made it my identity. Yes, I took advantage of the light that is in me.

Yet, I moved my feet in spite of myself and I followed. I dragged the luggage that no longer contained my baggage.

You said, “Let me be your Light ” And I said yes.  Which meant saying no to self-created controlled catastrophe. And no to many things I treasured in the dark. The path I chose has brought many more sufferings.

The past that brought me shame Now In ashes. When the billow awakened the ember, my eyes were burned. Conflagration wildly blazing in my heart. My soul, hot. Refining fire. 

In my youth, my innocence was stolen-I was given knowledge I couldn’t conceive and fought to control. The fire replenished that.

Rescued from deep rooted self-destructive unhealthy coping habits. The fire replaced that.

Set free from an identity I no longer recognize. The fire blazed that. 

Nothing makes sense! It looks as if all things are falling apart. Doors that I wouldn’t shut have slammed. Doors I wouldn’t open have fallen off the hinges. 

“Forgive my fear of the path! My will fights yours, my evil persists!”

You say to walk with strength and dignity. You say to laugh at the days to come. Like Sara, my laughter is doubt. My bitter taste is control. 

Please continue to refine me. Until you look into my eyes and see only your reflection. 

Author: jmelynr

I am just a woman in this world.

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