This is how we are with God: We learn the truth. It takes hard work to get there. We have to suffer and persevere through amazingly difficult things just to quickly discard it because of some sudden feeling of inadequacy and loneliness.
I am tired of being a single mom, but have decided it is not the mom part that I am tired of, it is the single part. However, I am too afraid of relationships to even put an end to this single life.
What is God doing here?
He is teaching me to trust Him. He is teaching me to be pure (and that hurts). He is teaching me to trust Him. He is showing me how to be loved. With His love, I can never settle for the mediocre selfish love of humanity again. I will be adored by my love or have no lover at all.
So, I take captive all thoughts of inadequacy and regret, knowing that this life I have lived has been prayerful.
I will stop looking at the left hands of any handsome man I see and wonder if I am worth his time. My time is too precious and my God says I am worth everything to Him.